A live 7-day experiment
0 followers. 7 days. Earn a client in public, or miss on camera.
We started this week with zero followers and a $16 marketing budget. So the whole client hunt happens in public: every DM, every reply, every booking, posted nightly whether it flatters us or not. And the offer bites. Book a free 30-minute audit of the workflow you hate most. If we can’t find $500 a month of recoverable time or missed money in it, we pay you $50.
- Followers at start
- 6
- Budget
- $16
- Audit slots
- 10
- At stake
- $250 plus every $50
The scoreboard
Updated every evening. Numbers nobody sane publishes.
The same numbers go out nightly on @loaunious and @utillylabs. Follow either one to watch them move. Or to catch us rounding.
6
Followers at start
@loaunious 6, @utillylabs 0. Today: 6
0
Outreach and replies
0 replies, 0 DMs, emails and Looms
0
Calls booked
the only number that matters
0
Audits delivered
within 48 hours, findings published
$0/mo
Money found for owners
recoverable hours and missed revenue
0
$50 payouts owed
receipts get posted
| Day | Replies | Outreach | Calls | Audits | $/mo found | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Day 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | $0 | Launch day. The ledger opens tonight, zeros or not. |
Zeros stay up. If we botch a number, the correction goes in a new row. History doesn’t get edited.
The offer, with teeth
Find $500 a month in your business. Or we pay you $50.
A free 30-minute audit of the workflow you hate most. Ten slots this week, one per business. Nobody owes a 0-follower agency their trust. So we’re paying for the chance to earn it.
- Ten free slots this week. One per business, first come first booked.
- You keep the findings sheet either way.
- We may publish the findings, anonymized. That is the deal, and you know it before you book.
- If we owe you $50, the payout receipt gets posted. Not a bug. The experiment.
Step 1
Bring one workflow
The one that eats your week. Lead follow-up, quoting, scheduling, inbox triage. Thirty minutes, your screen or your phone, your numbers.
Step 2
We count the money together
Hours lost. Calls missed. Follow-ups that went cold. We rank every fix by dollars it recovers per month.
Step 3
Under $500 a month? You get $50.
If the ranked plan comes in under that, we send $50 before we hang up. Then we post the receipt. That is the game.
10 of 10 free audit slots left
updated nightly, no rounding
The rules we play by
Why trust a scoreboard from a company you’ve never heard of.
Every number is real
DMs sent, reply rates, bookings, payouts. Posted nightly from both accounts. Bad nights get posted harder than good ones.
The ledger is the ad
No bought followers. No engagement pods. No screenshots from somebody else's Stripe. One invented number would kill the whole thing, so there are none.
Findings become content
Every audit's findings sheet goes public, anonymized. You can read exactly what you get before you book anything.
No clients, $250 to charity
If the week ends at zero, the top comment on the launch post picks the charity. Losing has a price. We set it ourselves.
The full playbook, every post, every DM script, every target list, goes public when the week closes. Marketing this honest reads like a confession. Good.
Why do this at all
Because this is the job, done out loud.
We build systems that hand small businesses back the hours they lose to follow-ups, quoting, scheduling, and inbox triage. This week the lens points at us. An agency nobody has heard of is just one more workflow leaking time.
Every audit we deliver gets published, anonymized. Which means the honest thing and the smart thing are the same move. That is the whole trick.
Claim your slot
Thirty minutes. Worst case, you make $50.
Pick a time below. Bring the workflow you hate. Leave with a ranked plan, and if we miss the $500-a-month mark, $50 of our money for your trouble.
Prefer email? contact@utillylabs.com with the subject “Blitz Audit Slot” skips the line.